It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
