so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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