You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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