i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize