today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
