You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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