he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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