Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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