There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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