We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
