So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
