we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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