i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
