I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
