I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
