This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
