You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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