and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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