Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
