Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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