good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
