carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dicks are not precious.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
