I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
