Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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