just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
