do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
