chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
