I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am one with the molecules
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
