david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
