the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
