i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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