Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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