she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
