Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
