Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
