the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
