you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
