I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
