Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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