In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
