i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
