i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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