If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
