I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
