if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
