only if we run a train.
done.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
