6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
