I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
soo... how was my night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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