You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
