Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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