how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
