Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He felt like a one man threesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
