Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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