I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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