that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
