tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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