this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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