I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
