About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
