So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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