You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
