I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
