Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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