they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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