He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
