Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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