areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
