I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
