Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
