Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
