yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
