A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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