I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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